Merlin! Merlin is scary
by sprstarinfrance
Summary: Now, you’re probably wondering why Sirius unfortunately landed himself in the void superior of all voids. This is actually rather simple. Some sodding git thought himself fit to turn that bloody veil Sirius fell into a portal to this void.


Merlin! Merlin is scary.

_Now, you're probably wondering why Sirius unfortunately landed himself in the void superior of all voids. This is actually rather simple. Some sodding git thought himself fit to turn that bloody veil Sirius fell into a portal to this void. _

"The pub was dirty, grimy. A few unsavory creatures sat around all planning on spending the night drinking their problems away in Fire whiskey.

"At one table was a vampire, his pale skin shinning in the moonlight. He had his eyes set on the dancer who was beginning to start her routine on the stage. The werewolf next to him was elbowing him on, and they were both getting vicious looks from a vela who was sitting a few tables away.

"A few tables away from that trio a pair of wizards had gotten into a disagreement and had began to pull out their wands prepared to battle to the death. Their fight had gathered a crowd. Bets had been set, and before anyone could blink a brawl had began.

"In a dark corner a blinking light hung from a rusting chain. Underneath the light sat four men, all relatively cleaner than the room they were in. They were huddled around a small table.

"The first man had no expression on his face, no hair on his head, but had the hugest eyebrows a person could possibly have. Every time something that made him happy would happen his eyebrows would show the emotion. For instance, his eyebrows were currently at the raised position, symbolizing that eyebrow man was pleased.

"The second man, had on a cowboy hat, and liked to talk in an accent that was not real. He had been raised in Canada, but being Southern had been his dream. So as part of the southern act he would mutter phrase that the other men around the table could not comprehend, being the British fellows they were.

"The third man had a sneaky smile on his face and bangs the concealed the emotions in his eyes. He might have been the youngest of the lot that's if anyone could see his face beyond the hair that covered it. Sneaky smile, the maybe young man was currently moving his lips into another sneaky smile prepared to trick the other three at the table.

"Yet, these men are not at all important. While they may have been at the same table as the fourth man, their part in the story does not go beyond the annual friendly game of cards that they had held every day at about the same time for the past five years.

"You might ask who this fourth man is and why is he so important? Well, the fourth man happened to be none other than the infamous Sirius Black. And his importance is clear. He is the one telling this story. Now, before you laugh Remus, you must allow Sirius to continue.

"Sirius Black was in the void, the void between life and death. The void is quite boring, so Sirius won't suggest going there for a pleasant vacation. Now, you're probably wondering why Sirius unfortunately landed himself in the void superior of all voids. This is actually rather simple. Some sodding git thought himself fit to turn that bloody veil Sirius fell into a portal to this void.

"So because of some git's 'creative mind' Sirius was stuck in the void for five bloody years! Yes, Sirius loves to talk about himself in the third person, and you are getting this story very off track, mate.

"Back to the annual card game, where Sirius was about to win, but eyebrows had him cornered. 'Gimme your kings.'

"Sirius grudgingly handed over his last card and was about to draw another from the pile but was shocked to find the pile was empty. Sneaky Smile, muttered a sarcastic 'Go Fish"'in Sirius's direction which he ignored not wanting to admit he had been had at Go Fish.

"Southern Wannabee tired to comfort an obviously not upset Sirius by saying a horribly used Southern phrase. 'Well that was a wrangling good time.'

"None of the other gentlemen knew what he was talking about so they ignored him.

"'Black!' A robe figure made his way over to the table of Go Fish (yes, this actually is a very competitive game) players. 'You come with me now.'

Sirius glanced over at his card mates for help and got an eyebrow emotion from Eyebrow that he couldn't understand before being grabbed fiercely by the robed man and dragged out of the pub.

"'You have had enough fun time to be serious,' The man snapped and the scenery changed to a room with white walls, chairs, and it was very bright. Sirius moved his hands to his eyes but the robed man just snapped some more. 'This is what heavens like.'

"'Really, so heaven is a bright white room?' Sirius tried to joke but the robed man would have none of that.

"Stop being cheeky,' he said in a tone that annoyingly reminded Sirius of his dear mother. Remus stop interrupting the bloody story! Listen!

"'Yes Sir.' Sirius muttered clearing wondering about this robed mans anger issues.

"'Good. Now you are in the void.'

"'The void Sir?'

"'Yes, the void. The place between life and death.'

"'So I'm not dead?' Sirius asked honestly but the robed man thought he was still being smart and whipped a cane out of nowhere and pounded hard on the ground.

"'Do you really thing heaven is a bunch of drunken men in a pub? Absolute rubbish! Now will you shut your bloody mouth?'

"Sirius shut up only to avoid the cane hitting his own head.

" 'Now you have a decision either you go to heaven or you go back to earth. Pick one. Now.'

Well, Sirius didn't think he could make that decision that quickly, and told robed man just that. 'I don't know.'

Robed man just grew very red in the face. 'I suppose you want to talk to someone from the other side to make you decision. Dead useful that is.'

"I can do that? Like call some one up from earth one the muggle phone? 'Hey, it's Sirius should I die or live?'" Sirius thought it was very funny but robed man obviously wasn't sharing the joke.

"'The most famous bloody wizard in history, and I get suck with this job in my afterlife," Robed man muttered japing the cane fiercely on the ground several times.

"'Are you Godic Gyffindor?' Sirius asked.

"Wrong answer. 'Godric Gyffindor? Godric sodding Gyffindor! What the hell are they teaching you in this fancy wizardying school, when no one even know who I am!'

"'Than who are you?'

"'For the love of Merlin- Me!'

"'You're Merlin!" Sirius gasped, making yet another wrong moment around the very hostile man. 'I always imagined him to be in better tempers.'

"'You what to know why am in such bad tempers? Having to spend my afterlife guiding lost- idiotic- souls to their final resting place, having to giving the same bloody speech over a million times, "There is no hell, there is heaven or the void. Heaven is a bunch of souls floating around in the clouds. No there is not two separate heavens, because wizards lose their power once the get there, so it's muggles and wizards living in the clouds together!" that's why I'm not in better tempers!'

"'Do you feel better now?'

"'No!" Merlin snapped, causing a very scared Sirius to jump back a few feet. "Now heaven or earth!'

"'Wait if there is no hell where do the bad souls go?' Another honest question Sirius thought, yet again Merlin did not want to here it.

"'The void. Stop avoiding the question! Heaven or Earth!'

"'Can I take that phone call?'

"'Do you think there are phones in the void?' Again Sirius said the wrong thing to Merlin. 'You can talk to the spirits. No phone calls to the living. I thought I told you to stop being cheeky.'

"Sirius knew he was growing annoyed with Merlin. 'Fine. I'll talk to the bloody spirit. Do I at least get to pick?'

"'Good, I'm glad you stopped trying to joke around. Something about death and people makes them dead sarcastic about everything.' The anger had disappeared out of Merlin and he gladly answered Sirius's questions. 'Pick anyone. Just as long as they are spirit.'

"'James Potter!' Sirius fancied a chat with the friend he had not seen in about twenty years.

"'James's Potter's spirit!' Merlin waved his wand in a funny motion that Sirius really wanted to make a crack about but he held his tongue.

"And there he was, Sirius's best mate, James Potter. But he was made of lights. Sirius is not shitting you when he tells you this Remus, James's head was mad of fucking lights.

"'Oye! What the bloody hell do you think your doing calling me from the void!' James's head of lights spoke.

"'Ello, it's nice to see you too, mate,' Sirius said very sadly upset that this is the first thing he heard from James in over twenty years.

"'Sorry, it's just if you are here in the void that means your not down there watching Harry, making sure he stays out of trouble.'

"Sirius wanted to roll his eyes, this meant that James was in parenting mode, not in best mate mode. 'Hate to break this too you, but Harry is always in trouble, he's your son.'

"James cracked a small smile, 'Still, I'd wish that you were down there to 'um talk him out of getting in trouble.'

"'Lily there?' Sirius laughed, knowing that phase would never normally come out of James mouth.

"'She was, gone now. But why are you here? No offense to are good mate Moony, I always imagined him here first.'

"'Err, yah, well Moony on godfathering duties now. I fell though a veil.' Sirius rubbed his neck James was going to get a kick out of this one.

"'A veil, as in a thin piece of fabric? Well you got bad luck there mate. Sirius Black, killed by fabric.' The light head of James was laughing.

"'That wasn't the worse of my bad luck. I was in jail for thirteen years.'

"James looked at Sirius waiting for him to break into a joke but when it didn't come James knew he was telling the truth. 'I really thought I had talked you out of kill your mother.'

"'I didn't kill my mother. Apparently I killed Lily and you.' This part was hard, but James had to know.

"'I know who killed me and it wasn't you. You better explain yourself.' Potter temper, you know it well.

"'It was Pettigrew. He turned you in. I went after him, wanted to kill the bastard. He turned himself into the filthy rat he is. I got blamed for murdering him and you, and was almost kissed. Never got my revenge, your son stopped me. Told me he would turn him in. You should have seen Pettigrew hanging on to Harry's leg like he was worthy, than he escaped, and Harry helped me escape. I was on the run for two years after that. Even Remus believed I had done it! For thirteen years Remus thought I had killed you!'

"James's head of light just stared mindlessly.

"'Knew I shouldn't have said anything,' Sirius muttered.

"'No, I just never thought Peter was capable of that. Always thought he was a little dim,' James said silently before avoiding all that together by changing the subject. 'You can't come to heaven Sirius, I know that's why I'm talking to you. You have to live. Kill Pettigrew. Make sure Harry marries a red head, keep up tradition.'

"'Redhead, no problem,' Sirius said with a sneaky grin. 'Know the perfect girl for him.'

"'Do I know her at all?' James grinned along. 'Always thought it would be cute if he married that Weasley girl.'

"'Great minds think alike.'

"'Alright, you got your answer Black. Reunion over.' Sirius had forgotten Merlin.

"'Live, mate.' James's last words were. 'I'll see you when the time comes. Plus, you can't just leave Remus alone like that; we have to sick together as much as possible.'

"Well the story ends there, the next thing I know, I'm laying head first in a puddle of mud at the muggle corner around the block."

Sirius took a long breath before muttering one finial thing. "And by the way, Moony, thanks for bloody being here when I got back!" He glanced down at the parchment in front of him, some very faded words appearing, _'Thanks for your message. When the party requested checks this parchment, your message will appear in full.'_

"Sodding answering parchment," he muttered leaving the house.

Two hours later Remus came around read Sirius message on the parchment and groaned, "I really shouldn't let George Weasley play with this. He's getting dead strange."

The words on the parchment read: _'Sirius Black was in the void, the void between life and death. The void is quite boring, so Sirius won't suggest going there for a pleasant vacation. Now, you're probably wondering why Sirius unfortunately landed himself in the void superior of all voids. This is actually rather simple. Some sodding git thought himself fit to turn that bloody veil Sirius fell into a portal to this void.'_


End file.
